Just received a call from my psychiatrist.
She would like to see my husband and I together as he is also struggling with some anxiety because of health issues. She would like permission to be able to openly talk to both of us about each others' treatment. Not sure I am okay with that.
She also wanted to know why I didn't call her about being off work again and that she wouldn't have known if my husband hadn't told her. I left work on Thursday afternoon, my husband told her during his appointment on Friday. I assumed it would be noted in my file as she is in the same clinic as my physician. I have an appointment booked with her in a couple of weeks. Yes I took the easy way out. I don't feel she supports me being off work and I was reluctant to deal with that. I knew my first day back that I was still struggling and I told her that during our appointment. It had only been 3 days but I broke down in her office and she recommended seeing someone to deal with my childhood trauma. 4 days later, my manager was expressing her concern about me being back at work. Some of my co-workers told her they were worried about me. I saw the physician replacing my family doctor while he is away and she after reviewing his notes, fully supports me taking more time.
My knee-jerk reaction is to not see her anymore. I find myself questioning everything. Am I really this crazy? Am I just not being strong enough? Should I be able to do it all? Is this just because I don't want to be at work? Should I be revisiting my childhood and processing that or am I just putting myself through pain I need to get over. Everything gets blurry.
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